Avoid marriage shut down

It's hard to believe that was September when I wrote the last "News Wives Can Use.News Wives Can Use In a short time the weather has become stormy and cold and the federal government has shut down! While I expect fall weather in October, I can honestly say I never expected the United States Federal Government to be rendered inoperable because two sides cannot agree.

I am reminded that marriages often shut down for the same reason. Husband and wife cannot agree. Sound familiar? If so, ask yourself how do you handle conflict?

• Do you stop serving your husband and family because he won’t give in to your desires?
• Do you overlook the many other family members and friends who suffer because you and your husband are at odds?
• Have you stopped to consider how your marriage looks to the outside world when conflict goes unresolved for days or even weeks?

Well, unlike our government the Bible gives very real and clear instructions for how to handle conflict when compromise escapes us. To avoid total marriage shut down, God has made provisions for husband and wife to find resolutions in even the most difficult situations if we are willing to follow His direction. Hold on to your seats as we consult Ephesians 5:22-24 where these words are recorded:

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. (NIV)

How about that? If we just submit or follow our husbands lead even when we don’t agree then we can avoid complete shut down in our marriage. Only God would ask us to seemingly give in to pretty crazy sounding ideas but I admit that His thoughts and ways are higher than mine. I understand if many of you don’t like this verse or solution to "stand offs." I get the media impression that Congress and the American people find it difficult too. I also get a distinct feeling that our President finds himself in a unique position as well. No one seems to be smiling when they don’t get their way. The good news is that instances where such complete disagreement happen in marriage are as rare as a complete federal government shut down in the United States.

The difference is that Christian wives are called to follow God’s instructions. The Bible serves as our policy and life governing law. If we view them as non-negotiable then we have the privilege of confidently holding God responsible for what happens to us after we submit.

I have practiced this principle for many years now. It is not always easy but always worth it. Obedience to God is better than sacrifice in my life. When my husband and I come to a complete stand still on an issue, instead of insisting that I get my way, I submit to working his plan or trying his idea. As we slowly move forward, we negotiate line items without hostility and find resolution faster. A byproduct of agreement in marriage is new respect, new love and admiration on both sides of the aisle. Working together as one flesh enables husbands and wives to do what is best for those under their care and influence. 

God's way works for me. It should work for you. I can only hope that our government leaders will find a strategy to work for them. Join me and pray for conflict resolution… and fast!
Until then, I'll be

Ministering to marriages, one wife at a time,
Lisa Ellis Williams   

Really?

It's the latest saying. We hear it all of the time and even find ourselves looking at people with that classic facial expression then… out it comes, “Really?”
Far too often, what we really mean is "Are you crazy? Could you possibly be that stupid or inconsiderate? You have got to be kidding me! 

In today’s popular culture, I like many have come to accept "Really" along with that accompanying face as more polite and easier to accept.

So wives, here are a few of my latest thoughts that come with…..Really?

• Do you really think the best time to cry out to God for change in your marriage is when things are bad?

• Have you really neglected to be intimate with your husband for months and act like you are doing him a favor by "giving him a bit of love?"

• Can you really look me or anyone else in the eye and complain about how tired you are, knowing that you have not done anything to change your schedule?

• Is it really possible that the person who needs to make changes in your marriage is you and not your husband?

I say, Really, Yes Really!

It is possible to have a strong growing marriage. The kind that you dreamed of and the one you committed to in the beginning. The problem is that many wives fail to make the needed investments of time, study, and prayer to keep love growing. Please don’t let that be you. If you find yourself facing the same complaints from your husband over and over again, it is time to access your marriage.  Take a quick look.

If your marriage is good,

Thank God. This is the time to plant seeds of trust, prayer, and Bible Study. Use my book Wife School, using God's Word to build a stronger marriage to guide you. So many wives are saying it is blessing them. It can bless you too. Get a copy and please bless me by writing a review. This is the time!  

If your marriage is marginal, (you can take it or leave it),

Thank God. You are still a wife. Now is the time to get “on purpose.” Join the Wives On Purpose Community and begin to connect with wives who are positive. Read, Wife School and actually complete the exercises. They are for you… not me. I have already done them and lived them. Make it a point to pray for your husband every day. Pray and listen to God for yourself.

If your marriage is troubled and your spirit along with it,

Praise God. He is still good and His love endures forever. This is the time to get professional help. For YOU!  Your husband may not want to work on the marriage. He may be just as sick of you, as you are of him. Remember, God can work through you to fix the relationship however, you must commit to the work. 

During troubled times, you may need support . You don't want to grow weary in well doing. I suggest you refrain from calling friends to complain or vent. I also strongly discourage using this season to talk about your husband on Face book. Turn inward and deal with your own stuff. This is an urgent time to learn to be a more suitable helper. .

So if you think what I am saying is mean, I say to you “Really?” (Insert facial expression here)  

Those who know me will testify. My heart desires the best for your marriage. I am for your success! I am the one who says, "Marriage is hard work especially if you wait until the last minute to study for every test." 

My assignment from God is to help you enjoy the good times and study and prepare for the rough times. I do this through: 

• writing
• blogging
• speaking 
• coaching

Please understand that I can’t take your tests for you nor will I be the one to grade your work. Your husband, your marriage, and your life’s fruit will be the marks on your final paper. I can only promise that God’s Word (the Bible) says that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

Are you seeking Him…Really? (No facial expression needed)

Peace and blessings be yours,

Lisa